Entertainment To Me!

I understand that everyone has individual tastes, but after some recent rentals/library borrows/discoveries of movies that, in my humble opinion miss the mark for a good let’s-cozy-up-on-the-couch-with-a-blanket,-some-good-friends-and-a-huge-bag-of-extra-butter-popcorn-movie, I felt I had no choice but to share my opinions, and thereby perhaps preventing you from making the same mistake I did and, well, watching them.

They are not all new releases. But they all fell into that category when I watched them–the “How in the world did they actually find funding to make this crap?”/”What kind of people actually sit through this entire waste of time?” category.

Here are just a few…I am sure I shall have more to rant upon in the near future…

>:-)

1. Meet The Spartans–This was another one of those “spoof” movies that abounds today. It was supposed to be hysterical, and to make fun of all sorts of crazy infamous movies as well as stars. But by the time I actually got to see the mock-Brittney Spears shaving her head, and attempting to sing, and finally getting kicked over into the death pit in the movie–it was no longer funny, due to having been overdone a zillion times in every preview and advertisement for the movie. Talk about overkill! Oy vey…
Not to mention that the movie wasn’t very funny at all. It had a couple of chuckle scenes, but most of the acting wasn’t done with enough humor, the plots were completely detached, and the jokes were old, and in bad taste. The whole film has a homosexual undertone, thereby making most of the jokes along those lines, thereby killing the movie, really.

2. Soylent Green–Ok, I admit THIS was my husband’s doing. And this was also a movie I’d never even heard of before. More shocking (apparently), is that I’d missed that SNL skit where Phil H. makes fun of Charlton Heston’s character, screaming “Soylent Green is PEOPLE!”  My husband couldn’t believe I didn’t know the skit, or the movie. And thus spoiling the ending/punchline for me, I finally rented it, hearing it was a “classic.” Wow.  No.
I really think if this movie was re-made today, it could be, well, interesting–even if people did know the punchline. But at the time, it was obviously made with no budget, no plot, no creativity, and oh yeah, no idea what kind of genre picture they were trying to create. Most of the movie, if you can stay awake through it, has nothing to do with anything, and the ending of the “Soylent Green is PEOPLE!”, fame is ruined by climaxing music that leads to nothing. I mean, you expect something ala Sweeney Todd to happen–but no. Either that, or the one I watched skipped an entire scene. Personally, if I’d seen what Heston did in that movie, I wouldn’t have been able to logically come to the same conclusion, I mean–they don’t even show the people being made into the ridiculous pointless Soylent Green!
Not to mention, the movie is boring as sin…which, incidentally–isn’t.

3. Seed of Chucky–This one was my own fault. And I saw it coming, and expected no less. Hence why I didn’t actually spend any money on the film to see it, but borrowed it through our local library loan system.
I watched the Bride of Chucky not too long ago, and loved it mainly because I thought Jennifer Tilly did a great job as Tiffany, and her doll version was beautiful!!  I also find the Child’s Play movies in general to be a hoot. I mean, c’mon–it’s a doll. Albeit, a voodoo, murdering doll, but still…It’s a doll. Like, a stand-on-top-a-table-and-it-can’t-reach-you-doll! But anyway…I realized Bride of Chucky was getting a bit ridiculous–ok, more than “a bit”–but I had no idea how bad it could get. I mean, what kind of genre does the movie Seed of Chucky fall under? Certainly not horror, or even horror comedy. In fact, there isn’t any horror at all. A couple of deaths, sure, but they’re terrible, and look completely fake, and un-frightening. Besides, most of the movie is about family drama, and the dolls screwed up child that oddly enough, even though it’s voiced by a male, can’t seem to tell if it’s female or male or what. It even reverts to this Southern Belle, killer-wanna-be, ugly-as-sin version of its mother (I think), which lasts for about 5 minutes, and is neither scary nor funny. It was really sad. The earlier Chucky would roll over in his grave! The last movie version of himself is a total failure, wuss, and pathetically fatter.
Jennifer Tilly was also a complete disappointment in this movie. They played off of her actual name, and she plays an actual actress, and it all makes no sense. The doll and woman can’t co-exist, can they??! Plus, the doll version in this movie isn’t nearly as pretty/sexy/powerful as the last one. She’s a baby-boomer version, with way too much hair spray and no passion.
I could go on and on, but will save you any more distress. Ugh.

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